Part of living and working in Korea (and really, any foreign country), is obtaining an Alien Registration Card. In order to do so, the government requires that you have a medical examination done in country after you arrive. On Tuesday, the Assistant Director from my school took the other new teacher and I to have our medical exam completed. What ensued can only be described as awkward, unintentionally hilarious, and... interesting.
We went at 11:00, only to find the hospital full of people. The first floor was packed with people that had what appeared to be a range of issues. Think emergency waiting room in the states-- it wasn't much different. Thankfully, we were headed up to the 3rd floor.
Luckily (or at least I thought) the assistant director was accompanying us the whole time to serve as a translator when needed. He took a number to wait in line and speak to the woman at the counter. There was a bit of a line as students who will be starting back to public school need to get physicals. AD told us to take a seat and wait, so we did.
Since the airport incident with the call-taxi driver, I just don't ask questions when told to sit and wait.
When our number was finally called, AD went to talk to the lady. He had copies of our passport and passport photos. I have no idea what they had to take care of-- probably just normal hospital paperwork. Eventually they called us over. Right there at the desk we took a color blindness test. Color blindness tests appear to be the same around the world. Then, sit and wait.
At this point AD disappeared (remember- our only translation), and a Korean woman in a red cross vest came and shooed us into this room a little bigger than a closet, gave us a scrub top (or close to one), motioned for us to change and put our things in the locker, and left.
Um, excuse me. What? Why am I taking my top off? Am I
just taking my shirt off here....or? Oh good, more girls just keep walking in the door. Modesty, out the window.
We get changed- undergarments intact- and walk out to find out what we are doing next. Thankfully (or so I thought) AD is back and says, "You get X-ray." Um....x-ray. So, that means....do we have to... "So, we need to take off our bras?" Cue awkward head nod. Cue a that-was-extremely-awkward laugh session back in the a little bit bigger than a closet changing room.
Language barrier for the win!
I went second into the x-ray room. I saw the footprints taped to the floor, so that made it easy enough to know where to stand. I stood up against the x-ray machine and the Korean nurse came, put my arms in the appropriate place (wrapped around the machine), and proceeded to push my entire upper body against the machine. A few times. Ok, I survived. Not terribly awkward. Time to change in the a little bit bigger than a closet changing room.
Next it was into a small room next to the changing closet. The woman behind the desk (yes, desk) was drawing blood from a young boy, so we were told to sit and wait. Again.
It's a theme.
When the nurse was finished drawing blood I went and sat down, expecting to get my blood drawn as well. Instead she retrieved a cup, put a label with my name on it, and started speaking to AD in Korean. I knew that I was meant to pee in the cup, and I could tell she was trying to ask AD to tell us what to do (and where to fill the cup to). He seemed beyond uncomfortable and eventually resorted to telling her (I gathered) to ask us on her own in her very best 2-word English vocabulary. She pointed to a line on the cup, I nodded, and went across the hall to the bathroom. AD followed me out of the room and said "You put here," pointing at a carton sitting on top of the trash can.
Lovely! Sanitary.
Disclaimer: the next part is about pee, so a little bit too much information. If you don't want to read it, totally understandable.
This part did not go all that smoothly. Some of you who know me well, probably think I pee more than anyone you have ever met. This is undeniably true. Unfortunately, AD had told me not to eat breakfast on Tuesday and I had asked if it was OK to drink water. He said "Um, no. Maybe- 1 cup." Regrettably, I listened. The nurse looked APPALLED at how little I had filled the cup. She proceeded to take the cup, pour it into a vile, and walk out-- all with her bare hands. No gloves.
Lovely! Sanitary.
Meanwhile, I am scrubbing my hands in the sink with the bar soap (not pump soap) that is common in Korean bathrooms. Back to the room next to the changing closet and 3 viles of blood are drawn. The nurse was quite accomplished- I didn't feel a thing when she inserted that needle. Impressive.
I am told (through AD) that I need to come back after we are finished upstairs.
Is there a water fountain somewhere? Thanks, I'll just chug a few (read: 7) cups of water while we wait on the 5th floor. Just so I don't disappoint you again, nurse.
Up to the 5th floor we went. The next stop started out like an average physical. Height and weight measurements. No big deal. When I stepped off the scale, the nurse mimed for me to raise my arms. The way you do when your someone is taking your measurements for clothing.
Um...ok. Not sure why...oh, there she is! Taking my bust measurement. ? So to tally it up that is height, weight and bust. Now, on to an eyesight check, hearing check, and blood pressure check.
All the while I am thinking, why- in the name of all that is good and holy- does the Korean government need to know my BREAST SIZE? What are they doing with this information? Seriously? I'm still astounded. And only slightly less (maybe more?) weirded out by it because all of the female foreign teachers at my school said they had their bust measured as well.
After we were finished, AD told us to sit and wait again.
I told you, it's a theme.
A Korean nurse came and told us (in broken English) we would go in and talk to the doctor next. AD was not around, and she made it sound like we were to go in on our own. This led me to believe the doctor spoke a relative amount of English.
After waiting, waiting, and more waiting, until almost every Korean in the room had went in to see the doctor before us, the
waegukin ("foreigner" in Korean) were helped.
I walked into the room, the doctor looked up and immediately asked "You speak Korean?" I smile, because it is the best I can do, put my hands up in an X (because that is what Koreans do when they say no) and he gives a nervous laugh and says "I don't speak English."
Fantastic! Language barrier again.
He looks down at the sheet with all of my information, reads some things in Hangul, and gives another nervous laugh. This poor, young doctor. He was trying so hard! He thought for a while, I gave him an encouraging smile (like I do to my students when they are struggling to remember the English word for something) and he manages to say, "Health problems?"
Very broad question doctor, but I'm going to go with...no.
The process is repeated until he asks, "Drugs?"
At this point, I'm not sure if he means prescription or illicit, but either way...no.
He wouldn't understand if I asked anyways. Wash, rinse, repeat. "Skin problems?"
I giggle a little....no. What does that even mean? Do I have eczema? It's ok. He laughed, too. Laughter for the win!
He sits for a while, reading over the list again. Thinks (I can tell he is trying), and again asks "Drugs?"
I thought we covered this, but, again...no.
He looks surprised. No?! No, doctor, no drugs.
"You drink?" Oh boy, here we go. I try to explain the amount I drink. I think he gets it. "Type?" Ahh, this I know. I can say "beer" in Korean. Perfect. He smiles. Ah, we understand each other. Finally.
He marks my sheet, gives it to me, I use my limited Korean-
Anyeonghi gyeseyo (goodbye) and
kamsahamnida (thank you)- and leave.
I sit down, wait for the other teacher to get done, and make small talk with AD while we wait. The doctor follows the other teacher out, sees AD, and says something to him. He is smiling again. Turns out he said something like "Oh! You were here the whole time." Meaning, you could have made our lives all much easier.
Seeing as I did not impress the nurse on the 3rd floor earlier, we had to go back so I could relieve myself. After those 7 cups of water I felt up to it. Seriously, it is best to just not have any reservations at this point. AD drops us both off at the 3rd floor. The nurse is gone, so I just go get my cup. As I'm headed into the restroom AD says "I get car. You complete final mission, meet me floor 1. First, final mission."
He gets on the elevator and laughter ensues. AD was so uncomfortable. My final mission?! Is this a video game? A reality TV show? What do I win if I complete it successfully?
Language barrier. You win again.
The day ended with lunch at McDonalds. More small talk with AD. Learned that his father fled North Korea during the war, left a wife and son behind, remarried, and lived to the ripe age of 80 years old. All over a Big Mac and fries.
We'll just look past the past 2 hours of awkward bra questions, pee handling, and bust measurements.
Perfectly normal day in Korea.